I was aiming at capturing just one important thing, and was thinking as I wrote and edited it, about the spare and clever work of the much loved American poet William Carlos Williams.
If you don't know his work, and you like or love poetry, or even if you hate poetry, I recommend you click on his name and learn about him. I love his work.
So here is my little poem:
away from me
my clearest image
from the accident
is what I saw
as my car
hit the safety fence
the first time –
ten or more cars
on the other side
of the road
rushing northward
away from me
as fast as they could go
Did I capture the feel I was aiming at? I think so. I have no idea if this poem works for anyone else, but when I read it, I can see those cars again. The cars that would have crashed into me and possibly killed me if the safety fence wasn't there.
Please, please, please leave a comment here, I have a strong need to know how this poem touches or fails to touch others.
6 comments:
who's that Swedish poet who won the Nobel for literature recently? well, anyway he wrote a poem --- talk about synchronicity --- on the same topic recently published in the nyrb. So without meaning to I have his poem in my head as I read this. It is good in that it tells what happens but it uses no poetic techniques like metaphor or personification. I reckon you can do more with it
Thank you for your thoughtful comment John. I've considered your words and offer the following as a possible replacement to my original poem:
away from me
my clearest image
from the accident
is what I saw
as my car
hit the safety fence
the first time –
a herd of cars
on the other side
of the road
stampeding northward
as I headed toward
possible death
good. much stronger and a more interesting poem
Thanks for the feedback John, I agree with you about it being stronger. I have problems at times with imagery and metaphor. That's why I'm thrilled with the homework you set for us yesterday.
Tomorrow I'll get stuck into getting it done and ready for Saturday.
i like your second version - it has more impact (no pun intended!!)...i love the peaches in the cooler one by WCW - magnificent!! Are you going to use this as your piece for Thursday as it truly fits the criteria??! TK xx
Thanks Tiff, it's been a good example of comments from another giving deeper insight into my own work.
I love the second version of this poem.
And no, my idea for tomorrow night is a completely different poem, which I haven't done anything about yet, not consciously anyway. There's no telling what my subconscious mind's been working on! :)
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