tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4441272000221745733.post6665787124763495782..comments2023-10-18T01:34:56.085-07:00Comments on Poetic Pause: Aiming at something like William Carlos WilliamsCarolyn Cordonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16928724006245769572noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4441272000221745733.post-39372291462899745352011-11-22T16:18:35.344-08:002011-11-22T16:18:35.344-08:00Thanks Tiff, it's been a good example of comme...Thanks Tiff, it's been a good example of comments from another giving deeper insight into my own work.<br />I love the second version of this poem.<br />And no, my idea for tomorrow night is a completely different poem, which I haven't done anything about yet, not consciously anyway. There's no telling what my subconscious mind's been working on! :)Carolyn Cordonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16928724006245769572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4441272000221745733.post-71472451263292504042011-11-21T00:33:01.846-08:002011-11-21T00:33:01.846-08:00i like your second version - it has more impact (n...i like your second version - it has more impact (no pun intended!!)...i love the peaches in the cooler one by WCW - magnificent!! Are you going to use this as your piece for Thursday as it truly fits the criteria??! TK xxTKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13375983571104009648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4441272000221745733.post-53807694635747697932011-11-19T15:15:23.298-08:002011-11-19T15:15:23.298-08:00Thanks for the feedback John, I agree with you abo...Thanks for the feedback John, I agree with you about it being stronger. I have problems at times with imagery and metaphor. That's why I'm thrilled with the homework you set for us yesterday.<br />Tomorrow I'll get stuck into getting it done and ready for Saturday.Carolyn Cordonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16928724006245769572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4441272000221745733.post-7611560197192552632011-11-19T13:35:24.814-08:002011-11-19T13:35:24.814-08:00good. much stronger and a more interesting poemgood. much stronger and a more interesting poemjohn malonenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4441272000221745733.post-8223038967121985312011-11-19T02:43:19.783-08:002011-11-19T02:43:19.783-08:00Thank you for your thoughtful comment John. I'...Thank you for your thoughtful comment John. I've considered your words and offer the following as a possible replacement to my original poem:<br /><br /><br />away from me<br /><br />my clearest image <br />from the accident <br />is what I saw<br />as my car <br />hit the safety fence<br />the first time –<br />a herd of cars <br />on the other side <br />of the road<br />stampeding Carolyn Cordonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16928724006245769572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4441272000221745733.post-44870683594997973072011-11-18T19:41:32.458-08:002011-11-18T19:41:32.458-08:00who's that Swedish poet who won the Nobel for ...who's that Swedish poet who won the Nobel for literature recently? well, anyway he wrote a poem --- talk about synchronicity --- on the same topic recently published in the nyrb. So without meaning to I have his poem in my head as I read this. It is good in that it tells what happens but it uses no poetic techniques like metaphor or personification. I reckon you can do more with itjohn malonehttp://www.johnlmalone.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com