'Transitions' Adelaide Plains Poets 2016 Poetry competition Judge's Report
Adelaide Plains Poetry Inc
"Transitions" Competition
Judges Report
Judge: SB Wright
Rankings
Open Division
1st place: Fade Out (poem 57) Damen O'Brien
2nd place: raptor (poem 104) Glen R Jones
3rd place: Change of Heart (poem 96) Rees Campbell
Commendations:
Schoolies (poem 79) Melinda Kallasmae, Bigger on the Inside (poem 98) Jenny Blackford, Wood turning (poem 78)
Secondary School Division
1st place: Timeless Despair (poem 2) Alexandria Walker
2nd place: Under an Army of Clouds (poem 1) Valini Goorha
Primary School Division
1st place: Pinery (poem 3) Sarah Pettina
2nd place: Once (poem 2) Ashleigh Dowling
General Comments:
Open division:
The poems submitted this year displayed a wealth of variety and inventiveness, covered subject matter from the comical to the tragically personal. It was a privilege to read a number of fine poems and personal narratives. The theme of Transitions was approached directly and indirectly with life changes featuring prominently. The place winners and highly commended poems excelled not just in their tackling of the theme but in those elements of poetry they chose to promote.
Secondary School Division:
While not as highly subscribed as the open category all entrants were courageous in their attempts to tackle heavy subject matter. There was plenty evidence here of students using the emotional power of poetry.
Primary School Division:
There was great variety in the poetry, as to be expected considering the different age groups and levels of development. The place getters though were hard to differentiate, displaying skill and judgement that could have seen them compete in the Secondary School Division.
Commentary on winners:
Open Division:
The Fade Out :
From the outset it’s the music of this poem that begins to seduce you. There’s a definite iambic rhythm, with enough variation in feet and line length for it to form a strong under current rather than a steady trot.
This is further complemented by repetition and reversal of phrases (especially in the first stanza and the end of the fourth and beginning of the fifth) and subtle and sparingly placed internal rhyme. The effect is one of subtle echo or melody which I find aligns exceptionally well with the content.
The rhetoric, the logical structure and unfolding of the poem is again a well articulated use of the theme. There were other poems that were far more subtle in their construction around the theme of “Transition” and there were others that were more blatant.
What the poet achieved here was a good balance, using Transition in both the literal and metaphoric sense. Surrounding the keyword with other film terminology that supports the extended metaphor made it settle into the poem far better than if it had focussed entirely on Transition.
The imagery was an enticing mix of staple images of natural transitions or nature transitions and the aligning of film terminology with our internal psychology of self was engaging both on an intellectual and emotional level.
Secondary School Division
Timeless Despair:
In judging the secondary school division the hardest part was judging excited young poets who were throwing all their learning and talent at the piece. Timeless Despair emerged as clear winner for much the same reasons that the winner in the Open section did.
The poem presented, was a well rounded piece using a number of poetic elements. Other poems in this division sported more complicated diction and more formal registers, but fell down in presenting a clear narrative or logical unfolding of the poem’s ideas . This poem has a simpler diction and a more common register and this aligns with a straightforward narrative. The end rhymes don’t feel forced or too cliched - indeed the poet displays as good a handle on rhyme as some of those in the open division.
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Primary School Division:
Pinery:
Not a great deal separates 1st and 2nd place in the primary division. Pinery, though displayed a clearer sense of the theme, managed seven end rhyming couplets and gave this reader a rounded and complete movement of both idea and poem. But above all there was a sense of it being firmly bedded in lived experience, beautifully articulated.
